Hi all. I’m (Ms.) Colleen Caryl Torres. This site is my travel blog four years ago, “CC to Siam”, but I’m deciding to write this particular post that you’re reading here because I don’t want to share this post through my other blog (I have another one). So yeah…
I wrote the following journal entry last Thursday and this is about the abovementioned topic. (Whew.)
Paige is the name of my diary. So yeah. Proceed:
June 2, 2016
Hi. It’s the second day of June 2016, and I can’t believe that:
- ga-bounce back na ko gikan sa akong life-challenge this year (I only have God to thank for for that), and
- I am transferring universities.
Ningmata ko karon lang, and I felt…sad. Sad because I feel like I’m finally leaving my nest – the home I’ve known since 2009 (2009 man ko nagsugod ug college sa XU, ning-graduate 2013, and nagtrabaho sa Xavier from 2013 to 2016). That’s a total of seven years. Seven. A good number.
Yah. Been in XU since ’09.
But I’m leaving the home I’ve known for seven years for a reason. Why am I parting from the nest?
- My goal for this year (and even last year) is to finally start my MA – my master’s studies. And I decided to take up an MA in Cagayan de Oro this June – without a scholarship. Thus, I will have to pay for my studies myself and this means that dough is of the essence.
Why an MA in CDO and not in Manila or overseas?
Because of the fiascos I went through last year (adjusting to new things, the mistakes I’ve done during my volunteer year in the Year of Service Program, and not pushing through with the MA in ADMU). Those were all due majoritily because of my own journey and doing, and partly because of circumstances outside of my control.
The point is: life has left me with little time to apply for MA in Manila or abroad this calendar year (technically not accurate because I did apply for the CHED K-12 Transition Scholarship last April under XU and ADMU, but I decided not to push through with it because my heart is 100% for Development Studies and not the program I applied for in the Ateneo). Therefore, I’m taking the reins – deciding to go to Graduate School through my own means. And since I only had little time to apply for MA in Manila or abroad, I’m studying in home-sweet-home CDO. Not a very bad deal, actually.
Point is, again, self-supporting graduate student ko karon and, once again, dough is needed. (But I’ll probably apply for MA abroad, God willing.)
Nevertheless, I am eternally grateful to XU for forming me into the person I am today. The only thing I truly know about my life now is that God had a plan for everything – and, of course, Xavier was part of that greater design.
- New environment. When I went to MUST a few weeks ago, giganahan kaayo ko sa ilang school. Mura man jud og… being in my home for seven years had made my life rather steady. But when I went to the new school, the fresh atmosphere of being in a different place felt kinetic – like, exciting bitaw nga mag-venture ka ug lain place. I’ve always been the type of person man gyud who liked change (when I was in high school, ganahan kaayo ko nga ning-balhin ko ug lain academy pag-third year nako) – even if change entailed loneliness.
The phrase “Familiarity breeds contempt” kept on recurring in my brain when I was walking along the concretes of the new school a few weeks ago. I had been in a very familiar place for seven years – the nest. There’s no contempt at all, actually, in the nest, but I would say “ordinary-ness” is the word that would describe it; “Familiarity breeds ordinary-ness”. I felt so ordinary na sa nest, that being in the new school made me feel like I wasn’t ordinary – like I was distinctive, after all. Even if I know nga basin ma-average ko sa MUST pag-adto nako didto (I know they’re happy to have me, but they’re not gonna bend over backwards just to make me feel special), usahay, para sa ako, there’s a certain kind of exceptional-ism being a new person in a new place.
Ning-ingon si St. Ignatius sauna nga “Go where your heart’s desire is”. Murag ingana akong nabati sa MUST.
3. Mga maayo man pud (siguro and unta) ang mga students sa new school.
So yah. I hope masabtan ra nila’ng ma’am Manilee akong decision. I feel like mu-suck jud ang akong pagbalhin from XU to MUST kay close naman jud nako akong mga officemates sa IS department and na-love na pud nako akong mga students sa IS. But long-term-wise, transferring to MUST is a step closer to my dream of developing the Philippines.
So here’s to You, Lord! The grace I beg from You is: lead me.
Finished: 8:28 AM
At the XU IS Department
I felt myself backsliding bai, as I was looking at my very beautiful cubicle diri sa IS department. Huehue. I felt sad pagsulod nako sa akong cubicle kay I will have to be saying goodbye to this very beautiful cubicle.
I love baya jud being here sa department. Nice ang akong officemates, I love my students, and I would have loved teaching PSC 11 and Current Issues in the Asia Pacific this coming semester.
But no. I have to focus on my dream. Transferring to MUST is a step closer to my dream of developing the Philippines.
But I’m really going to miss my XU students, dang it. X))